


Battle Scars

by Storyteller_of_the_Forest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Brothers, Dreams, Family is family, Feels, Gen, Healing, Hope, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki is a Good Bro (Marvel), Nightmares, No Slash, PTSD, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sick Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Thor Needs a Hug (Marvel), Trauma, battles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_of_the_Forest/pseuds/Storyteller_of_the_Forest
Summary: Sometimes the battle lasts longer than expected. Even years later, there are still wounds. While recovering from a virus, Loki realizes that his brother may be hurting more than the trickster realized.(Part of my New Asgard AU)
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 66





	Battle Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the second one-shot I wrote.
> 
> This one came about because I have wanted to rewrite that final battle in Endgame forever! OMG, I am still livid that Loki wasn't there. He should have been there. Unfortunately, by the time that trainwreck came out, I had already written my version of the last battle. I was twitching in the theater (I'll never forget my friend leaning over and asking what was wrong. "I could write this _so_ much better. Oh my god, I could write this so much better." I was completely frustrated with all the missed opportunities).
> 
> I wrote the opening scene of this fic shortly after seeing "Endgame" and tucked it in a "random scenes" file I have on my computer. It was only when I was writing these random one-shots that I realized I could use it and I got so excited.
> 
> I wanted to write a fic that took place shortly after "The Unlikely Guardian" when Loki was healing at home. I really enjoy writing fics that take place during that particular period of time.
> 
> Anyhow, looking forward to reading and responding to your comments. I have missed my lovely readers :)
> 
> REGULAR WARNINGS
> 
> Haven't seen Infinity War and am not going to see Infinity War (the Russos are terrible human beings. I don't want to hear about them or their god awful garbage).
> 
> I don't do romantic ships, especially not between family members. If you're into that kind of thing, go elsewhere (and don't tag my work with incest ships, please).
> 
> I'm still somewhat new to writing fics. So I apologize for any mistakes, mis-characterizations, formatting errors, or just any glaring errors. Please be gentle: writing fics is literally stress relief for me.
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. I don't own anything, obviously all characters and recognizable aspects belong to Marvel.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story and thank you for reading :)

* * *

Loki opened his eyes and found himself standing in fairly ordinary surroundings. There was dirt beneath his feet, grass growing all around, some trees. It was terribly dull.

He recognized this place. This was the planet he’d come to just before going to Midgard. The place where he decided to take part in the last stand against Thanos. Swallowing, Loki looked down at his hands, rubbing his fingers together. His magic felt strong as ever, save for his teleporting ability. Glancing over his shoulder, he felt his heart fall. The ship was not there. He had no way to get to Midgard.

A soft sizzling sound brought his attention back in front of him. He watched as a large portal opened up, revealing…that wasn’t Wakanda.

It took Loki a moment to even recognize it as Midgard. The ground was nothing but craters and smoke hung heavily in the air, blotting out the sun. The trickster heard the sounds of ships and saw numerous people stepping into the apparent war zone. Loki rolled his eyes. He was going to have to use one Strange’s sloppy portals. How degrading. Such second-rate magic was beneath him. _Oh well. I suppose beggars can’t be choosers._

Hearing the screeches and yells of Thanos’ forces, Loki swept his hands down, calling his daggers. Then he moved forward, stepping through the portal. As he strode toward certain doom, Loki felt calm and also strangely proud. He had spent so long petrified of Thanos, running from what he assumed was his inevitable fate, that he lost himself. Fear dogged his every step and Loki was tired of it. He was tired of being afraid. He was not the broken man who had fallen through the void so many years ago. He was not the thrall of Thanos, little more than a dog on an invisible leash.

He was Loki Odinson, a former prince of Asgard, god of mischief and lies and stories, trickster, rightful king of Jotunheim.

Brother to Thor Odinson, King of the Aesir.

And he was not afraid.

He strode out among all the other heroes who were standing against the vast armies of Thanos. It was strange to stand among them when he had once fought against them and yet Loki did so. He looked at the sea of creatures, the nightmarish vision they were up against, catching glimpses of the Black Order among them (gods, those pathetic wretches still lived. That alone was an affront). Thanos towered over all of them and when Loki saw him, he felt a flicker of fear. A shudder traveled down his spine and he swallowed his nervousness, taking a steadying breath.

The sound of neighing brought his attention to the side. He smirked when he saw the Valkyrie sitting astride a magnificent winged horse, leading the Aesir forces onto the battlefield. Gods, they looked amazing. Loki felt a glimmer of hope.

“Avengers!”

The trickster heard the man out of time call out. Loki rolled his eyes as he got into a fighting stance, holding his daggers at the ready. Crouching down ever so slightly and shifting his weight in preparation for the charge, Loki waited. Next to him, a woman with antennae got in a similar stance and beside her, a scarred warrior also held sharp daggers. Nearby, there was a giant, larger than any frost giant, larger than even Thanos, and suited like one of Thor’s absurd Midgardian shieldbrothers. What was it with Midgardians and that kind of armor? _At least that giant appears to be on our side,_ Loki thought as he turned his attention back to the opposing army.

“Assemble!”

Loki heard Thor’s battle cry and raised his head briefly, his green eyes searching for his brother. He caught just a glimpse of Thor, standing beside the man out of time.

And then they were all running, charging towards the seemingly endless forces of Thanos. Loki ran with all the other heroes. He wanted to run to Thor, but knew that would be folly. He had to wait, just until they met the forces of Thanos.

Loki had fought in many battles in his life, but never on quite so large a scale. Never with the fate of the entire galaxy in the balance. He wasn’t sure if even Odin had fought in a war with such high stakes.

The two sides collided and in an instant, it seemed like Thanos’ creatures were everywhere. Loki’s blades were slick with oily blood within moments. He was cutting down chitauri left and right, using his blades as well as his natural agility to fight. He didn’t stop moving, to do so would mean death. None of the titan’s creatures could lay a claw on him. He gasped when Proxima Midnight’s spear passed dangerously close to his head, throwing himself to the ground and narrowly avoiding the return of the weapon. He leapt to his feet and whirled around, prepared to meet the vile woman, but noticed she was battling with two other Midgardians, from Wakanda it seemed.

The trickster let out a scream when he felt the claws of another’s magic burrow into his head. Flashes of his brother’s gruesome death played out before his eyes. The trickster watched as the mad titan cut Thor down, mutilated him while he still lived, taunted him with everything the god of thunder feared.

Loki watched in horror as Thanos broke his brother.

The dark-haired god fell to his knees, crying out and trying to banish the invading magic from his mind. It was agonizing. He could feel blood crawling down his temple and out of his nose.

Suddenly a clawed hand wrapped around his throat, forcing him to his feet and shoving him back. Loki cringed when he hit a solid rough surface, a boulder or perhaps some wreckage. A knife slid into his side and the trickster yelled in pain. Instinctively, he grasped the wrist that held the dagger, halting it from plunging deeper. He opened his eyes and found himself staring into Ebony Maw’s hideous mummified face. Loki struggled, trying to break the other sorcerer’s grasp.

“Not quite how it played out is it?” Maw taunted in his cruel frightening tone. He ripped his dagger free and threw Loki roughly to the ground. Loki winced as he hit the unforgiving dirt, rolling a few times.

“We broke your brother. Father made sure he would never recover. He made him scream and beg. It was delightful, Loki Odinson. You made the god of thunder vulnerable and Father destroyed him. Thor’s pain was exquisite,” Maw continued to gloat, kicking the trickster even further away. Loki winced at the sharp pain in his ribs from the force of the kick. He could feel hot blood spilling out of the deep wound the member of the Black Order had inflicted upon him.

“You are destined to lose, trickster,” Ebony Maw snarled. “You are going to fail Thor, as you always have in the past. Your weakness is going to cost him his life. Again. And this time, he won’t be coming back.”

Loki glanced behind Maw’s towering form, noticing a spear in a fallen creature, who was wearing some rather wicked looking blades. Swallowing, Loki subtly held out his hand. The spear and the blades began to tremble and shake.

“You can tell yourself this is all a dream, a leftover symptom from the virus you survived,” Maw kept speaking as he approached Loki, drawing his own short sword and preparing to finish the dark-haired god. “But you know it’s true. Your brother may have returned, but he’s still dying. Deep in your cold Jotun heart you know the truth: Thor is going to die and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

Loki hesitated, staring up at Maw, who grinned cruelly at him. Something about the sorcerer’s words…something was ringing true. And it frightened the trickster.

“You’re going to lose your brother forever. We shall finally claim victory over Thor Odinson and over you.”

A red haze settled over Loki’s eyes and he clenched his fist shut. Ebony Maw went rigid, his mouth dropping open in shock. He stared at the bloody tip of the spear jutting out of his chest. Loki swallowed as he climbed to his feet, using his magic to slowly continue pulling the spear through Maw. When he was standing right beside his former tormentor, Loki paused and the spear stopped. Maw was making pathetic squeaking noises, blood dripping out of his mouth.

Loki turned his eyes to Maw, who was staring in shock at the weapon jutting out of his chest.

“I killed you too quick,” Loki told him, not taking his eyes off Maw as he stabbed a chitauri that lunged at him. Yanking his dagger free, Loki watched Maw twitch and squirm. “I’m glad I can remedy that error.”

Pausing and leaning a little closer, Loki whispered. “You. Will. _Never_. Win.”

With a wave of his hand, the spear was yanked out of Maw. Loki kept walking forward, listening to the sound of the cruel man fall to the ground. He winced and touched the stab wound in his side. That really was annoying.

As he fought through the thick of the battle, Loki kept looking for Thor. He knew how these scenarios played out. He’d had enough similar dreams in the past, yet this one felt different. It felt just a little too real to be a dream, the sensations were a little too vivid. Loki started having trouble recognizing it as a dream. He just knew he was fighting for his survival. His surroundings resembled a hellish planet. There was no plantlife anywhere, the smell of blood and death hung heavily in the air along with smoke. Everything was dirt and rock and fire. There was so much fire. Loki winced when he heard more missiles striking somewhere nearby and the ground underfoot shook violently, almost making him lose his balance.

Loki let out a yelp when he fell backwards over something, wincing when he hit the dirt. He thought it must have been a patch of uneven ground. As he got to his feet, he stared in shock at Mjolnir. How…?

Before he could wonder at that any further, the man out of time was thrown to the ground near Loki, nearly taking out the trickster. Loki jumped back, startled. Steve Rogers used the pitiful remains of his shield to knock away the chituari that swarmed him. Loki conjured up a green shield and sent it smashing into the disgusting creatures, knocking them away. They quickly recovered and were running at them again. Rogers scrambled to his feet and glanced over at Loki, his eyes widening in shock.

Loki smirked. “You undoubtedly thought me—”

“Loki, Thor needs help!”

His amusement vanished in an instant and he looked in the direction Steve had been thrown from. Horror spread through him when he saw his brother, on the ground, struggling to hold the blade of Thanos’ enormous sword from piercing his chest.

Loki was running before he could even think of what to do. He shoved aside enemies, probably allies as well. A creature grabbed his arm and Loki twisted, thrusting his knife into its face. Yanking his arm free as the creature fell, Loki continued his mad dash. He yelled his brother’s name, but his voice was drowned out in the sounds of battle. Loki’s heart was pounding in his ears and he looked around for any of the ridiculous Midgardians his brother was so fond of fighting beside. They were all busy fighting against numerous foes.

A chitauri jumped in front of the trickster and Loki responded by kicking its legs as hard as he could, snapping the bone. Chitauri leg bones were notoriously weak. Loki had discovered that early on while in Thanos’ thrall. The creature fell to the ground and Loki kicked it in the head before continuing his dash.

He was almost there when he saw the ominous purple glow of the power stone.

“NO!” Loki screamed, thrusting out his hands and unleashing a glowing green shield. His heart sank when the shield disintegrated against Thanos’ armor, unnoticed by the titan.

Thanos slammed the stone against the hilt and as strong as Thor was, his might could not compare with that of an infinity stone. Thor’s hands slipped and the sword plunged deep into his chest. Loki gasped and froze in horror, unable to move or process the scene. It felt as if the blade had gone through his own chest. Scenes started flashing rapidfire through his mind, all the bad decisions he’d made that had led to this point.

His memory of giving in, of agreeing to be Thanos’ thrall, had always been rather hazy. The tesseract had wreaked havoc with his mind, but Loki knew he had agreed to Thanos’ evil plan. He knew he had willingly agreed to take part and help bring them to fruition. It was the only way he could escape with his life.

When he saw Thanos’ enormous sword pierce Thor’s chest, the memory became so horrifically vivid in his mind. He had sealed Thor’s fate with that bargain.

Even from where he was standing, Loki could see his brother’s face crease in pain. He could see the triumph that spread across the titan’s hideous purple face. Thanos pulled the sword free and Loki saw it was wet with Thor’s blood. The trickster felt as though he would be sick. Thanos raised the enormous sword over his head, blood dripping from the cruel blade, and prepared to deliver the final blow. Loki couldn’t move, no matter how hard he tried. He had to move! He had to save Thor!

An impossibly bright bolt of lightning descended from the heavens, striking Thanos and knocking him back, causing him to lose his grip on his weapon. At first, Loki thought it had been his brother. But…it couldn’t have been. Frowning, Loki looked behind him and stared in shock at the man out of time, holding Mjolnir. That was impossible.

He would have continued marveling at that, but Loki heard the ominous sound of weapons charging up. Loki turned back and saw a few chitauri aiming their weapons at his fallen brother, ready to finish the job Thanos had started. Thor lay motionless in the dirt, his eye closed. _Gods, did he still live?_

“NO!” Loki yelled as he broke free of the stupor and continued running. He ran through the chaos, using his power to keep enemies away from him. He reached Thor just as the weapons finished charging and threw himself over the fallen god, hastily conjuring a shield. He winced when he heard the first round from their weapons hit the barrier. It wouldn’t hold for long, but Thor would be safe. Loki would take every blow meant for his brother if he had to. He was not letting Thor go, not again, not this time.

“L-Loki?”

His brother’s voice was a wet wheeze. Loki raised his head and watched as a pair of Dora took care of the chitauri. Looking back to Thor, Loki smiled and ran a hand over his hair.

“It’s me. It’s me, brother,” Loki reassured him. He stiffened and held out his hand when he saw someone approaching out of the corner of his eye. Strange slid on his knees, gritting his teeth when he saw the state of the god of thunder.

“H-how…?” Thor whispered, staring in wonder at his brother. Tears started sliding down his face.

“What do you mean how? I’m me,” Loki teased, taking up his hand. Thor sniffled and opened his mouth to say something more. Before he could, he started coughing violently, blood spilling over his lips. Loki watched as Strange pulled off Thor’s ruined armor, which was soaked with blood. His mouth was set in a straight line as he opened Thor’s shirt. The god of thunder grimaced, clenching his eye shut and gritting his teeth in pain.

“Careful!” Loki snapped at Strange. The sorcerer gave him a very unimpressed look. He pressed something in his ear and started saying something into the ridiculous earbud the Midgardians were so fond of wearing. Loki didn’t care. If it brought help to his brother faster, then he was willing to overlook their absurd devices.

“You’re…you’re hurt,” Thor said, concern clear in his weak voice. Loki winced when his hand gently brushed against the deep wound in his side.

“One of the hazards of battle, I’m afraid. Do not worry, brother. I’m fine,” Loki reassured him. Strange looked over at the trickster, but Loki glared at him. “If you stop caring for him for even a moment, I will take off that ridiculous cape of yours and strangle you with it. I’m fine, he’s not. Focus on him.”

Strange gave him another unimpressed look and turned his attention back to the god of thunder.

“Loki,” Thor whispered. The way he spoke his name, Loki could hear all the loneliness and despair his brother had felt when he thought him dead. He gently touched the side of the god of thunder’s face.

“I’m here, brother,” Loki reassured him. “I’m back. I’m not going anywhere. Don’t you dare leave. Do you hear me, Thor? You have to keep fighting.”

Thor squeezed his hand, smiling faintly. There was barely any color in his face.

“Thor!”

Hearing the concerned shout of the man out of time, Loki glanced over his shoulder as Steve knelt beside him. Tears welled up in his blue eyes when he saw the state of his friend.

“Oh buddy,” Steve murmured. “Hang on, okay? The battle is almost over. We’re gonna get you help, Thor.”

Thor smiled weakly and nodded over to the side. “C-Captain Rogers, Stormbreaker is over there.”

Every word took effort and seemed to pain him, but Thor was determined. Determined and stubborn.

The god of thunder looked up at Loki. “A-are you going to remain here, brother?”

_Please do not go,_ the look in his eye pleaded.

“Battles were never of particular interest to me,” Loki replied easily. _As if I would ever leave you when you are wounded,_ Loki thought as he tightened his grip. To his surprise, Thor did not protest. Relief shone in his eye and he weakly squeezed Loki’s hand. Loki turned to look at Steve.

“I shall protect him. Stormbreaker is a mighty weapon, find someone who can put it to good use,” Loki told him. Steve was about to get up, but Loki grabbed his shoulder with his free hand. When Steve looked back to the trickster, he could see the rage in his green eyes.

“End this,” Loki told him, calmly and firmly. _Make that monster pay for what he did to Thor._ Hearing Thor cry softly in pain and weakly squeeze his brother’s hand only heightened Loki’s fury. Thanos had to die for this. No other punishment would suffice.

Steve looked to him and nodded once, grim determination shining in his eyes. The man out of time stood and ran back into the battle, grabbing the axe as he ran by.

Loki looked back to his brother, whose eye was starting to droop. He felt panic in his heart and held Thor’s hand even tighter.

“Hey, hey,” Loki called to him, tapping the side of his face. Thor’s eye fluttered and fixed on Loki. “You didn’t make me stay here just to fall asleep. Come on, brother. Speak to me. Tell me what you’ve been up to.”

Thor coughed more and grimaced, shutting his eye and gritting his teeth in pain. Loki looked to Strange as he sat back, running the back of his arm over his head. Meeting Loki’s gaze, he shook his head. He couldn’t fix Thor. This wound was too severe and their supplies were limited. No help would arrive in time. Even if they could conceivably get him to a hospital, the damage inflicted by Thanos’ sword was nothing short of catastrophic.

Loki’s lips set in a thin line and he narrowed his eyes at the sorcerer, furious. _Don’t you **dare**. Don’t you dare give up on him. Not after all he has sacrificed, not after all he has done for this world. You owe my brother, so fix him! Help him!_

“Dr. Strange?”

Both men looked back to Thor when they heard his soft voice. A look of calm acceptance was on his face.

“You have done what you can,” Thor began.

“Thor, no,” Loki protested.

Thor briefly looked at his brother, smiling tiredly and gently rubbing the back of Loki’s hand with his thumb. He looked back to Strange.

“There are others who are in need of your abilities and your help,” Thor continued, pausing and coughing quietly. “Please…go to them.”

“Thor…” Strange started to protest.

“It’s all right,” Thor whispered. Loki dropped his head, the reality of the situation starting to sink in. He and Strange exchanged a look. The trickster nodded toward the thick of the battle.

“I will stay with him,” Loki told the Midgardian sorcerer.

Strange looked to his fallen ally and tightly gripped Thor’s shoulder.

“You hang on. Do you hear me? I’m going to be right back,” the sorcerer said. Thor smiled weakly and nodded.

“Keep him safe,” Strange told Loki, looking around. “The battle is turning in our favor. It won’t be long now.”

Loki nodded once, tears welling in his eyes, and the sorcerer dashed off, disappearing in the fighting that still surrounded them.

“Loki?”

Loki looked back to his brother, who was staring up at him again. Tears glimmered in his eye and he rubbed the back of Loki’s hand with his thumb.

“I-I wish to sit up,” Thor requested. Loki considered protesting, but didn’t want to deny his brother. Perhaps Thor would be more comfortable if he were sitting. Looking around, Loki saw a smooth boulder or wing of some kind. Reaching over to it, he ran his hand over the surface, making sure there was no sharpness.

Satisfied that there wasn’t, Loki carefully maneuvered Thor into a sitting position. He sat beside him, allowing the god of thunder to lean partly against him. Loki rested his head against Thor’s, wrapping his arm around his brother, tears crawling down his cheeks.

“I-I’m sorry I could not protect you,” Thor whispered, pressing his brow against Loki’s. “I’m sorry Thanos harmed you.”

Loki sniffled and shook his head. “No, Thor. You saved me. You saved me from a life of fear and running. You defeated the monster who hunted me.”

A few moments passed and they sat together, in the midst of a battle, unnoticed by all who fought in it. They were almost in their own pocket of reality, removed from everything. Loki closed his eyes and kept his head against his brother’s, relishing in whatever time he was given with Thor. He held his brother tightly, keeping him safe from the danger that surrounded them. As he should have been doing all this time.

The sounds of fighting began to die down. It started becoming quieter and the monsters were becoming fewer.

Thor’s breathing was more labored. “I-is it…over?”

Loki sniffled. There was a loud shattering noise, which made him wince. A bright flash of light momentarily washed out what little color surrounded them. Loki looked up and watched as Thanos’ forces started disintegrating. Swallowing, he leaned his head against his brother’s again.

“Yes, yes it is over. It is finally over,” Loki told him. He looked to the bandages around Thor’s chest, which were already dark red with blood.

“I am…so-sorry, Loki,” Thor murmured. “I’m so tired.”

Loki felt a brief flare of panic, looking over to his brother, prepared to yell at him. To forbid him from even thinking about falling asleep. He couldn’t be tired. He couldn’t give into this weariness. If he did, Loki would never get him back. He would be gone forever and Loki would never find him again.

The words died on Loki’s tongue when he saw just how much Thor was suffering. He was struggling to keep his eye open, fighting with whatever little strength he had left. He was enduring the pain even longer. For Loki. There was such weariness in his eye.

Thor didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve even more pain.

Sitting up, Loki coaxed Thor to lie down. “Then rest for a while. I shall stay here with you.”

Thor looked up at him. “I’m scared, Loki.”

“Don’t be,” Loki whispered calmly, stroking his hair and smiling faintly. “Help shall be here soon. When you wake up again, the pain will be over. You will hurt no more and all this shall just be a distant bad dream.”

Thor smiled faintly at him. “W-will you forget me?”

Loki smiled back and shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Never.”

“I shall see you again, in Valhalla,” Thor promised him, his voice fading. “I love you, brother.”

Loki swallowed and nodded. “I love you as well.”

Thor’s eye was fixed on him and it took a moment for Loki to realize that he was gone. Gently closing his eye, Loki leaned down and kissed his brow.

“Rest now, brother. Be at peace,” he whispered, shakily. “All is well.”

The sun came out, the birds started chirping, and when Loki looked up, he saw all his brother’s friends and allies were on one knee, heads bowed in respect. Flowers started springing up from the ground, purple blossoms. Loki recognized them. They had always been her favorite.

The soft sounds of her skirts, the gentle jingling of her gems, came from behind him. The sun grew a little brighter and the warmth was pleasant. Gone was the horrible hellish battlefield and in its place was a peaceful meadow.

She knelt beside him and Loki looked over at his mother. A kind smile danced across Frigga’s lips as she reached forward and ran her hand over Thor’s hair.

“Short hair looks rather fetching on him,” she mentioned, her other hand on Loki’s shoulder. He leaned back, resting his head against her chest like he used to when he was a child and something had upset him.

“Why am I still having these dreams? Thor is back. We survived Thanos. This war is over. So why do I still dream of my brother being killed?” Loki asked. He was at his wits end and he couldn’t take these horrific scenes anymore.

“Because you know Thor hasn’t been saved yet. He is still struggling to survive.”

Loki frowned and looked up at her, confused. “But he’s alive and well.”

“Not all wounds are visible, my son.”

“Then how do I save him?”

Frigga pressed a hand against his chest, smiling warmly.

“Listen,” she said simply.

**

Loki inhaled as he woke up, blinking blearily. He coughed and winced at the pain that tore through his chest. Norns, he still felt dreadful. Glancing at the clock, he noted that it was the middle of the night. He rolled onto his back, holding his wrist to his brow. Loki looked over to the side, noticing his brother wasn’t there. The trickster frowned. That was odd. Thor’s sleep was usually troubled, and he frequently climbed into Loki’s bed.

He hadn’t done so since Loki had taken ill. The dark-haired god expected his brother would be even clingier than usual, and Thor was, but he mostly hovered over Loki during the daytime hours. The god of thunder waited on the trickster hand and foot, which Loki didn’t mind. But Thor became strangely aloof at night.

Propping himself up on his elbow, Loki looked across the small space to Thor’s bed, which was also empty. It sent a spike of fear through the trickster. _The fool is likely just out in the main room or the kitchen,_ Loki thought as he sat up and pushed himself up to his feet. The room spun briefly and his legs still felt a little shaky, but Loki was steady enough to walk. He moved around the bed, grabbing his robe and throwing it on.

He opened the door and strode out into the main area. Almost immediately, he spotted Thor laying on the couch with a book, asleep. He was trembling and his head was thrashing from side to side. Loki rolled his eyes and rubbed his nose. So that’s where his brother was. Moving gracefully across the space, Loki carefully removed the book from Thor’s hands, placing it off to the side.

“Thor? Wake up, brother,” Loki said gently as he shook the god of thunder. Thor awoke with a sharp intake of breath, pushing himself up and looking around frantically.

“Wha-? Where am I?” he asked, his eye still darting around the space. When his gaze fell on Loki, Thor relaxed a little, though his chest still heaved as he panted. Normally, Loki was patient with his brother and able to see to his needs. Tonight, he was tired and achy, still feeling weak, and his patience was not what it normally was.

“You’re in the main area of our home,” Loki replied as he stood up and walked toward the kitchen. “As for the why, I was hoping you would tell me.”

Striding into the dark kitchen, Loki switched on the light, winced at the harsh brightness and immediately switched it off again. Rubbing his aching head, he wandered over to the stove, retrieving a clean kettle from the rack overhead.

“Brother, if you want something, you need only ask,” Thor said gently from the doorway. Loki looked back to him. He rubbed his eye and moved across the space to where the trickster stood.

“Banner told you to rest,” Thor reminded him as he took the kettle from Loki. “Is there a particular blend you have a taste for?”

Loki stifled a yawn, shaking his head. “I was going to brew some ginger peach. I can do it, Thor. I’m not a bloody invalid.”

Thor gave him a frustrated look. “Recovering does not mean you are weak, Loki. I wish you would not insist on pushing yourself so hard.”

“My, my, my, how many times did you hear that from the Wakandan healers, I wonder,” Loki mentioned. Thor laughed softly. The dark-haired god studied his brother for a moment as Thor filled up the kettle. There was so much tension in his shoulders and Loki’s sharp eyes didn’t miss the way the god of thunder’s hands shook slightly. The horrific images from his own dream, the feeling of Thor’s blood hot on his hands, briefly overtook his thoughts and Loki shuddered, rubbing the back of his neck to calm himself.

“Why do you not sleep in your bed anymore?” he asked softly, watching Thor set about making the tea. “Whenever I wake up, you are nowhere to be found.”

Thor cleared his throat and shook his head. “My sleep is still troubled. I do not wish to disturb your rest.”

“So, just sleep in my bed when you have a bad dream, like you usually do,” Loki replied. “Your sleep is easier when you do so.”

“I will not disturb your rest,” Thor repeated, shaking his head. Loki felt frustration bubble up in his chest. His brother was being a stubborn fool.

“Instead you will sacrifice your own?” Loki scoffed. “This martyr complex of yours is wearying.”

“I nearly lost you!” Thor snapped as he spun around. “You nearly died from this plague! You need to rest and recover your strength, like the doctors said, so you won’t die!”

Thor went to grab the hot kettle and before Loki could shout a warning, he had wrapped his bare hand around the hot handle. He let out a cry of pain and immediately released it, curling in on himself and holding the wounded limb close to his body.

Loki immediately sprang into action, gently grabbing his brother’s wrist and pulling him over to the sink, turning on the tap and sticking Thor’s wounded hand under the cold water. He moved over to the stove and switched it off, grabbing an oven mitt and removing the kettle from the burner it had been on.

“You damn impulsive fool,” Loki began, frustrated. The words died on his tongue when he looked at his brother, noticing Thor was shaking as he stared at his hand. He looked dazed. The dark-haired god sighed, forcing himself to remain calm. Scolding Thor wasn’t going to accomplish anything.

“Thor, come over to the table with me. I will heal your hand,” Loki instructed gently. Thor blinked a few times and shook his head.

“No, you need your seidr to recover,” he said. Loki put a hand on the god of thunder’s shoulder, directing his brother’s attention to him.

“This won’t require much. It will take me a little longer than it usually does, but healing this will not weaken or harm me in any way, okay?” Loki told him. Thor looked skeptical and a little frightened.

“You were so sick, Loki,” he said, his eye welling up with tears. “You were dying.”

Loki pressed his brow against his brother’s. “A mere Midgardian virus would never be enough to kill me. Give me a little credit.”

Thor was still trembling, and Loki gently grasped the back of his brother’s neck.

“Thor, please,” he pleaded, opening his eyes again. “Please, trust me to know my own limits. Let me help you.”

The god of thunder hesitated and it looked like he wanted to argue. After a moment, his shoulders slumped and he nodded in agreement. Loki led him over to the table, guiding him to his chair and sitting across from him. He positioned Thor’s wounded palm so it was facing up on the table, studying it for a moment. The flesh was an angry shade of red and already starting to blister.

Calling upon his seidr, Loki ignored the faint ache that flared up in him and carefully touched his fingers to Thor’s palm. He heard the god of thunder hiss in pain and muttered an apology as he focused on the task. As he started working, he glanced over at Thor.

The god of thunder was watching his ministrations, his expression mostly unreadable. Feeling eyes on him, he looked over at Loki and the trickster saw the heartache in his blue gaze.

“The war really did a number on you, didn’t it?” Loki teased gently. “Such concern about my welfare, I’m really starting to wonder if I’ll ever be on your bad side again. Have we actually reached a point where I can truly do no wrong?”

Thor dropped his gaze back to Loki’s ministrations, trying to pull his hand away. “That’s enough. My natural healing will take care of the rest.”

Loki tightened his grip. “Let me finish. You know how much I hate leaving a task undone.”

Thor slumped back, gesturing with his free hand. Loki continued working, sweat beading at his temples. Doing this was slightly more taxing than it usually was, but Loki knew his limits. He might feel a little more tired for the next couple days, but this would not set back his healing.

“You died, Thor,” Loki stated quietly. “You died in my arms in that grove and I could do nothing to prevent it. That is something I shall never forget.”

He could feel his brother watching him, but ignored him for the time being. There was a particularly painful-looking blister he was focusing on healing.

“I never thought you would return,” he continued. “I thought the pain of your loss would follow me always, not affording me a moment’s peace. You know a little of the cruelty I endured when in thrall to the mad titan. Nothing was more painful than finding you in the aftermath of that last battle. I was alone on a planet that was not my own, surrounded by people who I had once seen as my enemies, and I had just lost the only family I had left.”

He paused again and looked up at Thor. “Do you know what it’s like? To live through that and then wake up in an empty room, seeing an unused bed across from yours, not knowing if your sibling is still there or if you had just dreamed them up?”

Thor was quiet for a long while. Loki continued his ministrations. He disliked these sorts of conversations, they made him rather uncomfortable, but it was the only thing he could think to do. It was the only way he could possibly get his brother to see reason.

“I do,” Thor responded softly, almost silently.

“I know you are having frequent nightmares and I know you are experiencing panic episodes. I have heard you over the past few nights. You isolate yourself and it makes whatever is afflicting you worse. If you would but stay in our room, your rest would likely be easier.”

Thor sniffled, watching his hand. “I do not wish to wake you with my troubles. I want you to recover. You need your sleep, Loki.”

Loki finished healing Thor’s hand, but continued holding it briefly. “How does your suffering help me recover?”

The god of thunder’s mouth snapped shut with an audible click and he stared at his brother. Loki let go of his hand and sat back.

“If you do not wish for my help while you are enduring such episodes, I will respect that. But please, at least sleep in our room. You are not going to hinder my healing, Thor, I promise you.”

Thor sighed and ran a hand over his hair, considering. Loki leaned forward, pressing his hands together.

“My mind will be more at ease knowing you are still here,” the trickster mentioned. Thor dropped his head, nodding.

“But you must sleep,” Thor insisted. “I mean it, brother. If you sacrifice sleep to take care of me, I shall leave and move in with Brunnhilde.”

The dark-haired god snorted. “As if you could _ever_ get her to agree to that.”

Thor smiled faintly, glancing over to the stove, rubbing his newly healed hand. “Why don’t you go in the main room and I shall bring the tea out to you? Surely you would be more comfortable on the couch.”

Loki yawned, briefly considering protesting. But the couch was so tempting. He nodded and rose to his feet.

“Use the oven mitt,” he teased, happy to hear his brother chuckle softly. Walking into the main area and over to the couch, Loki flopped down onto it. He rubbed his brow, thinking about the images from his dream. He hadn’t had a dream like that in quite some time and it had rattled him a little. He thought about his mother and what she had said. _Listen._

Loki looked up when Thor emerged into the main area, holding two mugs of tea. He handed Loki his and then sat down beside him, leaning back and closing his eye. For a short while, they sat together quietly, sipping their tea. Eventually, Thor placed his mug off to the side and sat back, closing his eye. The trickster wondered how many nights his brother had gone with little to no sleep. Loki placed his mug off to the side and looked over at his brother, considering his words.

“Thor?”

“Yes, Loki?” Thor answered, his eye remaining closed.

“If…if ever you wish to speak about what memories you have, of the war or…what happened after,” Loki started, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. “You do know I am willing to listen, don’t you?”

Thor opened his eye, looking up to the ceiling. “I know, Loki. Thank you.”

He turned his head and looked over at Loki, grinning faintly. Something about the expression seemed forced, even pained. The dark-haired god knew there was something Thor wished to speak of, but he was being obstinate. He was trying to protect Loki and it was frustrating.

“Did you ever regain use of your legs, when you were in that facility?” Loki asked softly. Thor turned his eye away from Loki, frowning as he reached over to his mug and lifted it, sipping the hot liquid.

“No,” he answered with a shake of his head, placing the mug down again. “No, they never let me heal that much. I only had limited use of my arms.”

Loki noticed him shiver and moved a little closer, waiting patiently.

The god of thunder was quiet for a moment. “There was one point when I could have stopped them. There was a day, after they brought me back for…I think it was the third time. I had control of my lightning for a few hours. But I could not bring myself to use it.”

“They… did things to me, Loki. Inflicted pains on me that were undeserved. Yet I did not stop them, for if I fought back, I risked killing them. I could not have that on my conscience,” he told the trickster, his voice wobbling. “I could not bring myself to harm those men.”

Thor drew in a shaky breath and looked down, his lower lip trembling. “I should have figured out how to get away. I should have figured out how to make them stop.”

_Oh gods, Thor, you fool. How can you think such things?_ Loki thought as he reached over and wrapped his arms around his brother. Thor turned and buried his face in his brother’s hair, his entire body shaking. He started to pant and it sounded like he was alarmingly close to having a panic episode. Loki gently rubbed his arm, hoping to soothe him.

“Why didn’t I figure out some other way to escape? I should have kept trying. I should have been able to get away.”

Loki felt warmth gather in his eyes. He would never forgive S.H.I.E.L.D for this. Even if they weren’t entirely at fault, they had allowed this to happen. They hadn’t punished the responsible parties enough. And it fell to Loki to pick up the pieces.

“Thor, brother, I want you to listen to me,” Loki stated firmly. “Are you listening?”

Thor sniffled, but Loki felt him nod.

“What happened to you was no fault of yours. There was nothing more you could have done. Whatever was done to you, it reflects poorly on the character of the ones who held you, not on yourself,” the trickster said confidently.

“I had a chance to stop it and I didn’t take it,” Thor argued, wiping the tears from his eye. “Surely that says something about me.”

Loki pulled back a little so he could look at Thor’s face. “It says you are a good man who considers his actions and won’t take life needlessly. It says you are better man than any of the ones who held you. They used cruelty, you used mercy. Mercy is something only the very strong possess, we both know that.”

Thor looked down, his face twisting in pain. “Then why do I feel weak? Why was I the one who broke?”

“You are not weak, you are healing,” Loki insisted. “Thor, what happened to you was not your fault. Anyone would have broken under those circumstances.”

Thor shivered again, tears still running down his cheeks. Loki wrapped his arms around him, feeling Thor tremble as he continued sniffling. The trickster searched his mind for what he could do or say to make Thor feel better.

“Did I ever tell you I was relieved when I first saw you on Sakaar?”

Thor looked up at him, puzzled. Loki coughed quietly, wincing at the dull ache in his throat. The aftereffects of the virus were quite annoying. Reaching over to where he had placed his mug, Loki picked it up and sipped the still hot liquid. The warmth felt pleasant traveling down his still tender throat. Placing the mug back down again, he looked back to his brother.

“I wasn’t sure if Hela had captured or killed you,” Loki continued, his voice a little rougher than it normally was. “I assumed I was alone again. I didn’t mind being alone, but the thought of never seeing you again…I was never comfortable with that. It seemed so final. Endings are boring.”

Loki laid his head on Thor’s chest, smirking when he felt Thor pull a blanket over him. His brother was a natural caretaker. After a moment, Thor’s strong arm wrapped around him and Loki closed his eyes. He was very comfortable and was not inclined to move any time soon.

“You still feel warm,” Thor mentioned, and Loki felt his brother’s strong hand gently touch his cheek, then rest upon his brow. “Are you feeling feverish at all, Loki?”

Loki shook his head.

“Any other aches or pains?”

“A minor headache, nothing too worrisome. Banner and Eir both said it takes the aftereffects of this virus a little time to subside,” Loki told Thor. “Please try not to worry overmuch, brother. Whatever minor discomfort I’m experiencing is to be expected. I shall be fine again in a few weeks’ time.”

Thor’s arms tightened around him a little. “But you will let me know if it gets worse, won’t you, brother?”

Loki nodded. “I promise.”

“I can’t…I can’t take being scared like that again, Loki. If anything were to happen to you, I’d…”

Loki’s eyes opened and he turned his head a little so he could look at his brother. Thor was holding onto him and tears were welling up in his eye. The trickster furrowed his brow.

“You’d what?” he asked. Thor swallowed and shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Loki. Go back to sleep. You are still healing.”

Loki laid his head back on his brother’s chest. Something about what Thor had started to say and then his obvious deflection bothered Loki, but he was too sick to follow up in any meaningful way. Still, he didn’t feel like sleeping quite yet.

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to rest for a little while yet,” Loki mentioned. “So feel free to prattle on and I shall try to participate as best I can.”

Thor was quiet for a long while and Loki wondered if he might have dozed off. He hoped so. The trickster knew his brother didn’t sleep well when he was stressed.

“Do you regret my returning, brother?” Thor asked sadly. “I know it has forced you to take on a role you do not particularly enjoy.”

“I like changing. Change is interesting,” Loki replied. “A new role prevents me from becoming bored, gives me a new challenge to figure out.”

He paused. “I do not regret your returning. You are my brother and losing you…”

_It broke me, Thor._ Loki could not bring himself to speak the words aloud.

“I am glad you are home,” he said. “I missed you, when you were gone.”

Thor let out a shaky breath. “Thank you, brother.”

Loki could feel himself drifting off to sleep. He hadn’t thought a couch could be so comfortable and having Thor beside him put his mind at ease. Opening his eyes again, he looked to his brother. Thor’s eye was also shut and he appeared to be asleep. His expression was still so troubled, so haunted, even when he slept.

Nestling down more, Loki wrapped an arm around the god of thunder, holding him in a protective embrace. He had recently begun to suspect, to fear, that his time with Thor was limited. Thor’s worsening episodes pointed to such an outcome. Perhaps his brother had only been given back to him temporarily. What a cruel kindness that would be. Loki laid his head on Thor’s chest, vowing to fight with everything in him to keep his brother here.

Closing his eyes, Loki drifted off into a peaceful sleep, prepared to face whatever dreams awaited him.

**_The End_ **


End file.
